MARIE

MARIE:

I remember when I was 16 years old and my first boyfriend just vanished off the face of the heart, I thought that I never could feel so lonely and desperate, but my mother was there.

I remember the day before my wedding with all the typical doubts,

My mother sat me on a chair and she started to explain how was her day before the wedding and later she gave me her bless.

I remember when I got pregnant of my first child, I felt scare, insure, nervous…I didn’t know how to answer all the questions that my mind was asking for second, and my mother just took my hand and with all patience she made me feel that I would be the best mother ever.

And now I am desperate, alone, scare... every day is a day of fighting against me. She was always my world, my support my whole life I owe her the person who I am.

I have to take care of a child who is 65 years old. The day that the doctor told me that she had Alzheimer I thought that would be easier to handle it and I decided to take care of her alone and now that loneliness is killing me softly and deeply.

A NORMAL DAY

-What are you doing! Don’t disturb me now I have to prepare lunch! Your dad is coming from the office in half an hour and nothing is ready!

-Mum please, it is 3 am it is time for sleep…

-Do you think I am crazy of course it is 3 am. Why did you wake me? Are you crazy? Go to your bed and let me sleep! You don’t know how to do anything! You are useless!

-Ok mum, you are right, but please go back to bed…

Suddenly her old mum just decided to go to bed, so angry because she thought that she was right and her sad, tired and haggard daughter was wrong about everything.

But her mum doesn’t remember that she was once a pleasant woman, always happy and with very good sense of humour.

She doesn’t remember the day that she changed the life of her fantastic family.

She doesn’t remember the morning that she forgot where the toilet was and she thought that the toilet was a shoe in the middle of the room.

However she remembers the words that one morning her daughter Marie was saying to her husband last night:

-Shane, I am scared, for one second in my life I wished the death of my mother.

I can’t go on any more like this please I am going insane; I don’t know what to do…

Her mother couldn’t understand what happened to Marie,

She is only 7 years old, who taught her to talk in this way?

Who was she speaking to? We don’t have any neighbors and if it was Monday why she wasn’t in the school? Was she sick?

-Marie!!!!- She starts to scream

-Are you ok mum?

-Why are you not in the school? Are you sick?

Marie with all the patience of the world tried to explain to her mum that she finished school a long time ago.

-Of course you did! What are you doing here?

Marie was so tired, all the rage inside her cannot be stopped for any tender word that in the past would be enough to go on.

She just left the room and started to walk alone in the personal asylum that used to be her adorable house.

She sat in her sofa and opened her bottle of wine that was hiding for emergency moments of madness.

She served herself and tried to do a toast:

- For my perfect life…-said with ironicy to herself, she drank a sip and started to look around how everything could change in this way.

- My house, my job, my family…My whole life I don’t have anything, just an older mum who forgets her past every 5 minutes- and a desire for her mum’s death began to occupy her mind more often.

-What kind of daughter am I?! Enough tears, it is time to be strong…-she told her conscious before leaving the glass of wine on the table and going to sleep a few hours.

Next day, she started with her routine trying to forget the last thoughts in her mind which every day had become so painful like bloody knives in her deep and fragile soul.

She got breakfast ready for two and after showering her mum and then herself, they started the day with the exercises that the doctor had recommend her for her mum.

Some photos and a little music- few minutes of peace.

-Marie, looks at this photo! This was from your first day at school; do you remember how long you were crying for? I thought that you would never forgive me for that…

Oh look at this, your wedding!! Your father was crying throughout the ceremony and I think that he has never forgiven your husband because in his eyes you were always a child.

By the way where is your father? It is late and I have to cook lunch for him…

-Mum, listen, it is time for music- She ignores the question, her father died 5 years ago in an accident at the onset of her mother’s illness.

She decided that it was better for her own sanity to just follow her mum’s tales and not argue to explain the truth

THE AWAKE

The days go on and the situation didn’t get better.

Her husband was working very hard in the other side of the country to try to maintain his own family but he didn’t know about the real stress in Marie’s life.

He didn’t know about Marie’s wine glass in midnight

He didn’t know about Marie’s Valium to get sleep properly

And the worst, he didn’t know that Marie forgot about love a husband, love her big children…

She only was taking care of her poor and ill mum and for her this was the universal love.

The last night her husband was at home, and he decided to do special dinner for her sacrifice wife, thinking that it would be a small break for her.

She was spending all dinner waking up to make sure that her mum was alright.

At the 5 time that she did her husband just stand up and throw all the plates on the floor and started to scream to her:

-It is enough!!! Sit on the chair right now! I’ m tired, so tired of this situation! Only I ask you 1 hour in our house together!

-But…

-Shut up! You cannot live any second without your mother?!

-You are so cruel!

-Cruel? Me? You wanted to handle this alone, you did me look for a better pay job to maintain the new situation- He stood up and started to walk to sit and took his wife’s hand

-Listen Marie, you are getting insane, and …-He started to tremble

-I cannot forgive me that the only solution of this is be far away from you…I love you, and I want to help you, but close to you, I don’t want to lose you…Let me help you in a real good way for you not only with money…-The silence got in the room for a few minutes with no answers, no regrets, no question…just silence; Suddenly her cuirass disappeared and she started to cry all the tears that all this years were saved in her heart. She just woke up from her nightmare and she realized that she wasn’t alone for one time.

-I’m sorry Shane you are right, help me and teach me how to love again my husband, my children…

-Don’t worry Marie, I am here…-and he embraced her wife while she finished the last tears

SHANE

28 Years ago I fell in love in the brave and savage Marie. She was the one since I saw her that summer day and she came across me and she threw away my glass.

I was so angry and I started to scream to her, she just argued with me I shouted to her useless and She shouted at me asshole, my heart started to beat so quick and suddenly I just took her face and I kissed her until she slap me…I couldn’t believe what I did.

After a few months she just came to me and said me that she couldn’t forget my kiss that she didn’t know why she was there talking with me but she knew in her deeply soul that she had to do it.

I love her, but this last years were so hard for her, and the worst thing was I didn’t know how to help her.

Her mother is real sick and she decided to handle alone. She left her job, her friends, her children, her husband and the worst, she allow herself go.

I cannot stay without my Marie so I decided to ask for a change in my job.

Now I will work at home, and I will take care of her mum, and I will make sure that my Marie will be alright.

THE REST

She was exhausted and Shane just picked her up in his arms and put her on bed. He took off all her clothes and after a warm bath he put her to sleep.

He was checking that his mother in law was alright and he just went to bed and embraced his wife.

When she felt the body of Shane close to her she just turned her face and started to kiss him as the first time that they did it.

-I love you, thanks to be here

He embraced her and for first time in a long he saw her wife alive again

THE LIGHT DAYS

.

The next day Marie woke up

-Oh my god! It is too late; I have to bath and dress my mum! And the breakfast!

Suddenly her mum appeared in front of her dressed and cleaned:

-Hey, there is a man at home, he woke me up he is waiting for us for breakfast, come on lazy get up!!!

And she went back to the kitchen; she was in shock she didn’t understand what happened until her husband went for her

-Good morning lazy…-and kissed her- Come on breakfast is ready and we have a sunny day outside…-She realized what has happened the night before, and a little smile start a draw in her face.

She got up and saw in the washer machine her mum’s sheets; her husband came to her and whispered softly to her

-Don’t worry, we are two now, Do you remember? - She kissed her husband and decided to let her life going back.

No more nightmares alone

No more glass of wine at midnight

No more Valium

….

Just Life

By Maggie Rodríguez